I want to start this off by providing a content trigger warning: This column discusses sexual violence, sexual assault, sexual abuse and everything that goes along with those things. If these topics are triggering for you or otherwise make you uncomfortable, I recommend you do not read it.
I was in the middle of writing this piece when news broke of a fourth lawsuit being filed against Sean “Diddy” Combs; this one, which also alleges sexual assault, accuses one of the most powerful men in hip-hop of sex trafficking and gang-raping a 17-year-old girl in 2003.
Women like Cassie don’t come forward sooner because the culture doesn’t allow them to
Links
André 3000 may not have given us the album we wanted, but he gave us the album we needed
LinkI can personally attest to the focusing powers of listening to music at 432 Hz while writing.
As a writer, I cannot listen to music with lyrics when I write because my brain will automatically start trying to sing along, and that breaks my concentration entirely.
During the same time I’ve been listening to the album to fall asleep, I’ve been listening to it during the day while I do other things, and let me just say that “New Blue Sun,” a joint of some fire sativa, and coffee got me all the way through cleaning my apartment this weekend without taking any breaks.
André 3000 may not have given us the album we wanted, but he gave us the album we needed
Cassie’s revelations should be the beginning of the #MeToo moment for hip-hop
LinkHip-hop is where women are bitches and hoes and only good for sex, but when they talk about sex on their own terms, it’s suddenly a problem because they are controlling their own narratives and not centering men.
Hip-hop is where women can repeatedly accuse Trey Songz of physically assaulting them, drugging them and sexually abusing them, and he continues to get a pass while appearing as a featured artist on hit after hit because that’s how this game works.
The hip-hop game is rigged, and it’s rigged against women, and as a woman who loves hip-hop, I’m tired of dancing around the issue, both literally and figuratively.
Cassie’s revelations should be the beginning of the #MeToo moment for hip-hop
Let’s talk about some words that trigger white people
LinkMoist.
“Moist” is a polarizing word out here in these streets. There are so many people I know who hate the word “moist,” and I don’t know why.
Is it because it sounds wet when people say it? Is it the weird combination of letters used to spell it? Why do people hate the word “moist” so much?
There have been many articles written over the years that have tried to explain why people have such a bad reaction to that word.
My editor, Genetta Adams, is one of those people who doesn’t like the word moist. When I asked her why, she said, “It’s stupid for me not to like it, and I know it’s stupid, but the way you say the word ‘moist’ just sounds nasty.
“Only weird and gross things are described as moist,” she continued. “That’s basically it. It just sounds wrong. It just sounds icky.”
“Cake is the only good thing that is described as moist,” she added. “Otherwise, it just feels like you are describing something dark and dirty.”
Most people recognize that their aversion to the word “moist” is irrational, and their reactions to hearing it usually never extend beyond cringing, shaking their head or asking the person to stop saying it.
I’m sure they recognize the word is not actively harming them, so they don’t have to treat it like a grenade.
I wish the same could be said about (some) white people and certain words that seem to trigger (some of) them whenever they hear them or see them in print.
The words that seem to feel like hot grits on the delicate and fragile skin of (some) white people are “white,” “race,” “racism,” and “racist.”
Let’s talk about some words that trigger white people
Let’s end these toxic conversations on relationships and dating once and for all
LinkI love Cheesecake Factory.
Call me basic if you want, but let me tell you something: That bistro shrimp pasta goes hard in the paint, you dig?
I not only love Cheesecake Factory, but I love its bougie sister, Grand Lux Cafe.
I know their menus are bigger than that annual Sears Catalog at Christmas, but once you figure out what your faves are, you don’t even need the menu anymore unless they add new or seasonal items you might want to sample.
Brown bread me and bring me a cucumber lemonade with a shot of your best tequila in it, please. And make sure that butter is soft for my bread.
Let’s end these toxic conversations on relationships and dating once and for all
Lori Harvey is a grown woman who is allowed to make whatever dating decisions she wants
LinkThere is a double standard at play here.
When a man is linked to multiple women over the course of a few years, he’s “an eligible bachelor” and “a playboy.”
When 26-year-old Lori Harvey does it, she’s loose, promiscuous and any other insulting thing people can think of to say about her as a means of discrediting her, dismissing her autonomy, and shaming her for her choices.
Lori Harvey is a grown woman who is allowed to make whatever dating decisions she wants
Young, successful Black women like Sexyy Red can have babies if they want to
LinkSexyy Red is currently on her “Hood Hottest Princess” tour with dates all across the country, and she has been proudly performing with her baby bump on full display, and a lot of time, she is doing so without her shoes on, which is so cute to me.
The biggest difference between Sexyy, Keke, Cardi, Serena and the rest of us is money and resources.
Rappers, movie stars and professional athletes have money and resources that allow them to have children and continue their careers comfortably.
Young, successful Black women like Sexyy Red can have babies if they want to
Keith Lee exposes the bad hospitality at Atlanta restaurants, and Black Twitter is rejoicing
LinkHe’s become so popular that when he gets food from restaurants he wants to review, he places takeout orders and has one of his family members pick the food up so he does not receive any type of special treatment in the process. He prides himself on paying for his own meals and delivering honest reviews that don’t disparage restaurants even when the service is poor.
He simply relays his personal experiences, and all 14.2 million of his followers pay attention.
Knowing all of this, you would think Atlanta restaurants would have been on their A-game when he showed up in town, but this was not the case for two of the more popular joints — Old Lady Gang, a restaurant owned by singer, actress, and reality television star Kandi Burruss, as well as The Real Milk & Honey — received incredibly polite but bad reviews from Lee.
Keith Lee exposes the bad hospitality at Atlanta restaurants, and Black Twitter is rejoicing
Let’s argue. Do you prefer sweet or savory grits?
LinkI personally put garlic salt, pepper, and cheese in my grits. I use different cheeses depending on the mood I’m in. On regular days, it’s mild cheddar cheese, but when I’m feeling fancy, I may go with fresh parmesan, smoked gouda or even Gruyere.
The Bahamians in the audience will tell you that you have not lived until you’ve experienced boiled fish (grouper) and grits for breakfast. There was a time when tourists in Nassau had to get up super early if they wanted to partake in this traditional island breakfast because it would sell out quickly — most days before 10 a.m.
There’s also shrimp and grits, and I say this knowing that all shrimp and grits are not created equal, but if you find someone who really knows what they are doing in the kitchen and they make the grits creamy, the shrimp tender and delicious, and the sauce not too runny, go with that person. This is a delicacy.
Let’s argue. Do you prefer sweet or savory grits?
Candy corn is delicious, and I’m not going to argue with you about it
LinkThere are other candy corn haters out there. They reveal themselves every year at this time, tagging me in posts across social media platforms to poke fun at me and otherwise taunt me about my love for what some of them have called “the devil’s ear wax.”
I don’t listen to those people.
I am a candy corn lover, and I always will be. It tastes good; it satisfies my sweet tooth, and it’s something that I look forward to enjoying every fall. Absolutely no one is going to take that away from me.
Candy corn is delicious, and I’m not going to argue with you about it
Dear Will and Jada, please take us out of the group chat
LinkJada Pinkett Smith has a new book, called Worthy, out Tuesday, and it is important that we keep that in mind as the internet once again takes in the latest inflammatory statements made by the actress and wife.
In a clip from an NBC interview with Hoda Kotb, Pinkett Smith revealed that she and husband, actor Will Smith, have been separated since 2016, though the couple has no plans to divorce.
“I made a promise that there will never be a reason for us to get a divorce. We will work through whatever,” Pinkett Smith told Kotb. “And I just haven’t been able to break that promise.”
However, she said, “I think by the time we got to 2016, we were both just exhausted with trying. I think we were both kind of still stuck in our fantasy of what we thought the other person should be.”
The Smiths have been making headlines for years, and there’s no need to rehash everything that has gone down between them because a) there’s too much of it, and b) there are enough stories out there that simply typing their names into Google will give you all the tea you can sip.
Dear Will and Jada, please take us out of the group chat
Move over, Oprah. Beyoncé is now the most powerful Black woman in the world
LinkWhen the Queen puts on a spectacle like the Renaissance tour, it is expected that those in attendance are going to dress accordingly, and the fans understood the assignment. They spent money, hunty, and the looks were out there. People traveled to different cities to see her, buying airfare and spending money on hotel rooms across the globe.
This isn’t just about ticket sales.
It’s about the impact of a woman who has carved out a lane for herself where she stands tall and no one is even coming close to what she is accomplishing, regardless of the way the Recording Academy continues to play in her face every single chance they get.
Move over, Oprah. Beyoncé is now the most powerful Black woman in the world
When it comes to Black homeownership, these people are keeping it in the family
LinkIn 2021, the Black homeownership rate in LA was 33.5%, according to the U.S. Census, the 124th lowest among metropolitan areas in America. At the same time, 58% of white households in the LA metro area owned homes. Besides a legacy of discriminatory housing practices and policies that historically prevented Black families from buying homes and building generational wealth, the National Association of Real Estate Brokers said, the ability to come up with the 20% down payment required to buy a home with a conventional mortgage is also an impediment.
In short, Black people often make enough money to pay a house note, but they lack the ability to build enough savings to make a down payment.
The high housing costs aren’t unique to big cities. In the 2023 Snapshot of Race and Home Buying in America, the National Association of Realtors Research Group said “rising mortgage rates and home prices significantly hurt affordability, forcing many buyers out of the market.” The report stated mortgage rates have doubled since the previous year and housing prices have reached an all-time high.
When it comes to Black homeownership, these people are keeping it in the family
Dianne Feinstein, Mitch McConnell, and the way old white people refuse to relinquish power
LinkAs far as Blackness in the U.S. Senate, there have only been 11 Black senators; Butler will be the 12th. She will be the third Black woman to serve in the U.S. Senate.
I think you get the picture. While we are actively contributing members of the U.S., we are not represented in a way that honors that.
Sounds about white.
So when someone like Feinstein remains in office well past their expiration date, we are robbed of the opportunity to put new blood in with the old. We can’t inject fresh ideas into our government because the old ideas have the government in a chokehold.
And while we may have never seen Dianne Feinstein short circuit on national television the way we have with Mitch McConnell, the point still remains. Putting them in a bowl of rice every time is not the answer; electing new people to get the job done is.
Dianne Feinstein, Mitch McConnell, and the way old white people refuse to relinquish power
Eboni K. Williams had a good point, but a lot of people missed it
LinkIf we contrast this conversation with the conversation we had last week about Tyler Perry, what Eboni and Dr. Bean are saying makes a lot of sense.
People were upset with Tyler Perry for saying Black women should settle for “struggle love,” but they are also upset with Eboni for saying Black women who achieve success have a harder time finding mates who meet their standards as they get older.
Eboni is not lying.
In my friend circle, all of us are successful in our careers, make above a certain amount of money, and live a lifestyle we have built for ourselves and become greatly accustomed to. In my immediate circle, none of us have ever been married.
Eboni K. Williams had a good point, but a lot of people missed it
Pumpkin is a lie! Sweet potato is THAT pie.
LinkSweet potato pie is delicious. It is diabetes in a pie tin. It is full of sugary goodness and the full texture of sweet potatoes that hang around on your tongue and fill your soul with light.
The texture of sweet potato is stronger than the texture of pumpkin pie, and that’s probably because sweet potato pie had to fight all its life to not be mistaken for it’s lesser companion. Sweet potato pie stands out; pumpkin pie does not.
There are Black women and men everywhere who are known for their sweet potato pies. My cousin Shaun, for instance, makes a bomb sweet potato pie. I also make a great sweet potato pie, and I do mine with a buttery graham cracker crust, and that flavor profile is top notch, baby.
Pumpkin is a lie! Sweet potato is THAT pie.
Angelica Ross’ experience proves Black women don’t have allies in the workplace
LinkThere are people who would call these “microaggressions,” and I want all of us to stop using that word because it minimizes the impact of these things when they happen, and because they happen so frequently, they are no longer “micro.” They are macro AF.
Angelica is yet another Black woman having to advocate for herself in the workplace because, in the workplace, Black women have no allies.
Everyone wants to smile in our faces and call us “girlfriend” and say things like “Yassssssssssssss” and “You go, girl!” as they snap their fingers and roll their necks in a mockery of our aesthetic, but at the end of the day, when it really matters, they are silent.
Angelica Ross’ experience proves Black women don’t have allies in the workplace
Black women across social media are tired of Tyler Perry’s relationship ‘advice’
LinkIt was this next part that essentially set the internet on fire.
“So, if you can find love, if that man works — you know — at whatever job and is a good man and is good to you and honors the house and honors his wife and does what he can because his gift may not be your gift,” Perry said.
“That is OK,” he continued. “That’s not somebody who’s beneath you; that’s somebody who came to love you at your worth, right? And as long as he’s secure in himself to know that ‘Yep, she makes most of the money; all I can pay is the light bill,’ as long as she’s comfortable enough to say, ‘I’m going to cover the mortgage and all of the other stuff; you handle the light bill, baby. You can take me to dinner every now and then,’ that is fine.”
Black women across social media are tired of Tyler Perry’s relationship ‘advice’
Jann Wenner is an example of why Black media matters
LinkIf we leave it up to white men like Jann Wenner, Black stories won’t ever get told.
Jann Wenner is the Ron DeSantis of music journalism. He would rather erase all the voices that aren’t white and male than admit that anyone else contributed anything to a culture he is directly benefiting from.
Jann Wenner is an example of why Black media matters
White Principal Blames Black Teacher For Assembly That Singled Out Black Students For Low Test Scores
LinkThis is a story about Florida.
I’ve written before about the anti-Blackness being fostered in the Sunshine State; their governor, Ron DeSantis, is leading the charge by legislating anti-Black racism and all other kinds of bigotry in the state.
It is especially egregious when anti-Blackness is targeted at innocent Black children.
Let me explain.
In case you missed it for whatever reason, Bunnell Elementary School in Flagler County, Florida — a school district already notorious for their low test scores — pulled all of its Black fourth and fifth graders into an assembly late last month where they were shown a PowerPoint presentation that blamed them for the school’s low scores on state standardized tests.
The children were told that if they didn’t bring the test scores up, they would likely end up in jail, dead, or shot to death.
Never mind that Black students make up only 14% of the student population at Bunnell. In a school where white students make up 60% of the student body, only 32% of students are meeting or exceeding the required measurements on state assessments. That ain’t the Black kids’ fault.
These details didn’t matter, however, as even Black students who were meeting or exceeding the metrics were pulled into the assembly.
No other students in the school were made to attend such a presentation or spoken to about the low test scores.
It was racist, and it’s OK for us to call it racist. To not acknowledge the inherent racism and implicit bias in this incident is to spit in the faces of the Black children who endured this injustice.
Parents of the Black students said their children were traumatized by the assembly — especially the part where they were told they would be “shot dead” if their scores didn’t improve.
White Principal Blames Black Teacher For Assembly That Singled Out Black Students For Low Test Scores
Black Twitter is up in arms over Delta’s changes to its loyalty program, and it’s hilarious
LinkIn case you missed it, Delta Airlines made drastic changes to both the way you earn points in its loyalty program and who can access its Sky Club airport lounge.
To sum it up, certain American Express Platinum cardholders who enjoyed unlimited access to the airport lounges while flying Delta will now be limited to six visits per year and the co-branded Amex Delta Reserve cardholders will be limited to 10 visits per year. Both sets of cardholders will be able to unlock unlimited access by spending $75,000 on their cards within a single calendar year.
Black Twitter is up in arms over Delta’s changes to its loyalty program, and it’s hilarious
Shoplifting is not a capital offense, but Ta’Kiya Young died for it
LinkA police officer who had only been in her presence for 12 seconds shot and killed her.
He didn’t know her name. He didn’t know she was pregnant and due to have a baby girl in two months. He didn’t know she had previously been accused of petty crimes. He didn’t even know if she had actually stolen any liquor.
In the moment he pulled his gun on Ta’Kiya Young while yelling for her to get out of her car, all he knew was she had been accused of stealing from a grocery store, and he decided that was enough to warrant aggressively pulling a gun on her and threatening her life — a life he eventually took.
Shoplifting is not a capital offense, but Ta’Kiya Young died for it
Black women have been holding it down for America at the U.S. Open, but when has America held them down?
LinkBefore Gauff, the last three American U.S. Open champions were Black women — Venus Williams, Serena Williams and Sloane Stephens. And now, add Coco Gauff to that list.
Black women have been holding it down for America at the U.S. Open, but when has America held them down?
It’s worth noting that the Williams sisters have multiple wins between them in that 20-year span.
People keep mistakenly bringing up Naomi Osaka in this discussion, and I’d like to note that while we also celebrate her Black Girl Magic as well, Naomi plays for Japan when she competes, not the United States, and in this discussion, we are referencing U.S. winners.
It’s safer to be a neo-Nazi in Florida than it is to be Black or LGBTQ+
LinkIn the same press release, which denounced the demonstrations for the bigoted hate parades that they were, the ADL said another demonstration took place later that same day. The two extremist groups involved in that hate gathering were identified as the Goyim Defense League (GDL) and Blood Tribe (BT). The second “demonstration,” which the participants called the “March of the Redshirts,” included 51 people — all of whom were wearing red shirts, black masks and black pants. They carried swastika flags, performed Hitler salutes and yelled things like “white power” and “Jews will not replace us.”
USA Today reports that some of those involved in the demonstrations displayed messaging in support of Ron DeSantis, their resident bigot-in-chief.
Some Florida lawmakers have come out to denounce the demonstrations, but you know who has yet to say anything about them?
Ron DeSantis.
Through his words and legislative actions, DeSantis has created an environment where bigotry feels free to walk proudly in neon clothing out in the open. It doesn’t have to hide under the white hoods and sheets of yesteryear. It can show its face proudly because the highest-ranking member of the state government has given bigots a pass to do what they want.
It’s safer to be a neo-Nazi in Florida than it is to be Black or LGBTQ+
Police shot and killed Ta’Kiya Young and her unborn daughter. Now they’re playing the ‘victim.’
LinkThe police in Blendon Township, Ohio, are already hard at work building a case for victim-blaming and making Ta’Kiya Young responsible for her own death while simultaneously framing the cop who killed her and her unborn daughter as the victim.
Before we even knew the details of what happened during that Aug. 24 shooting and well before the release of police bodycam footage on Friday, the Columbus Dispatch had already given us a synopsis of Ta’Kiya’s life story, including the fact that she was a teenage mother to two sons, 6-year-old Ja’Kobie and 3-year-old Ja’Kenli. At the time she was killed, Ta’Kiya was seven months pregnant with her third child, a girl who was due to be born in November.
The Dispatch made sure to mention Ta’Kiya Young had some minor criminal infractions in her past and that on the day she died, the grandmother who raised her had called the police on her to report her for violating a protection order, and a misdemeanor charge was filed against Ta’Kiya.
None of that matters in the context of the police officer shooting and killing her, but we are being fed this information anyway because whenever a Black person is the victim of an extrajudicial killing by a police officer, there is an immediate rush to dehumanize them and make them less sympathetic in the eyes of the public.
The fact is, the police didn’t know anything about Ta’Kiya Young when they approached her to follow up on an accusation made by a Kroger employee that Young had shoplifted alcohol from the store.
Police shot and killed Ta’Kiya Young and her unborn daughter. Now they’re playing the ‘victim.’
Stop trying to whitesplain Black women’s experience in America
LinkIn other words, white people love to come around and whitesplain the Black experience to Black people even though they have never been Black a day in their lives, and judging from the way their fragility and thin skin erupt into irrational outbursts on the internet, I’m going to guess they have neither the mental nor the intestinal fortitude to survive even one day in a Black experience.
White people don’t understand the inanity of having your tone policed when you are speaking up for yourselves in a situation when the power dynamic of race comes into play. They don’t understand that in situations like what Coco went through, you have to adapt to the sensitivities of the white person you are addressing even as they are trampling over yours with no regard. They can’t imagine a world where everything you do is viewed through the lens of you being Black and how that lens is clouded with the smudges of implicit bias, systemic racism and white privilege.
In fact, it is white privilege that thrusts them into the position of thinking they can speak with authority and tell us how we are misunderstanding something that happened to us and not them.
Stop trying to whitesplain Black women’s experience in America
Coco Gauff advocated for herself in the workplace, so of course, a white woman cried
LinkWhen Gauff drew this to the umpire’s attention, and in a now-viral video, we can see them going back and forth as the umpire tells Gauff that she plays “very quick” while her opponent plays “slow,” and Gauff corrects her and says she plays at a “normal, medium pace.”
Coco Gauff advocated for herself in the workplace, so of course, a white woman cried
Both the crowd observing the match as well as the ESPN commentators agreed with Gauff, and her statements to the umpire were met with loud applause.
As ESPN reports, the crowd began watching the clock and yelling “timer” every time Siegemund was slow to be ready for the next serve, and when she later had her own exchange with the umpire, the crowd booed her.
In honor of Michael Jackson’s 65th birthday, here are some facts you need to know about him
LinkQuickly and without using Google, tell me who else performed at the Motown 25 celebration that aired on NBC on May 16, 1983.
You can’t, and do you know why you can’t?
You can’t because the only thing anyone remembers is Michael Jackson performing Billie Jean and doing the moonwalk for the first time on national television.
I got chills just typing that.
I was two months shy of my 12th birthday. We were watching that special as a family, and because it was such a big deal, we were watching it on the big floor model television in our sunken living room instead of on the smaller television in the family room where my parents usually made us kids watch TV.
In honor of Michael Jackson’s 65th birthday, here are some facts you need to know about him
Ron DeSantis Makes It OK To Be Anti-Black In Florida
LinkWhite people frequently tell us that we “make everything about race.”
Ron DeSantis Makes It OK To Be Anti-Black In Florida
They use it like some sort of “gotcha!” to derail any type of discussion on race, racism, or racial justice.
Never mind that the entire construct of race was conceptualized by white people in order to make themselves “superior” over everyone else.
They don’t want to talk about that part. Instead, they would rather use a twisted form of DARVO to make a villain out of anyone who brings up racism, white supremacy, white privilege, or whiteness. In their eyes, the problem isn’t racism, white supremacy, white privilege or whiteness; the problem is that we “darkies” won’t stop talking about it.
Their skin is so thin, and their egos are so fragile, that they have to legislate not talking truthfully about race and racism in order to create an environment where whiteness, white supremacy, and racism can exist and thrive unchecked.
On ‘And Just Like That,’ Black and brown characters are little more than props
LinkAs a young writer, I imagined myself as a Black Carrie Bradshaw, and I aspired to live comfortably while only working as a writer and not having to have a day job. I mean, who wouldn’t want a cute apartment in a bustling city, a fabulous wardrobe, an impeccable shoe collection, and a group of amazing and equally successful women who poured into me, listened to me whine about men, and could relate?
The only problem? I didn’t really see a reflection of myself in those characters. Yes, I shared traits with both Carrie, played by Sarah Jessica Parker (writer! clothes lover! shoe collector!), and Samantha Jones (Kim Cattrall), who was sexually liberated and unapologetically herself at all times. But I couldn’t see myself in those women. It wasn’t just that I’m not a prim and proper prude like Charlotte York (Kristin Davis) or an awkward neurotic who is all over the place like Miranda Hobbes (Cynthia Nixon). I’m not white.
On ‘And Just Like That,’ Black and brown characters are little more than props