i’m currently super high on endorphins right now, but I’m about to get high on something else, if you know what I mean.
My morning started off really right today even though I had to make some slight adjustments to my morning routine. I am back on intermittent fasting, so I made really good food to break my fast, and now I’m sitting at my laptop with a cup of coffee, and I’m ready to take on the day before 9am.
How you doin’?
I managed to finish my column, so please clap because with everything going on right now, it was an extreme battle with my ADHD.
Today is the most unproductive day ever; I swear.
Fade in the Water aka ROLL(ed up in the) TIDE aka The Alabama Sweet Tea Party aka the Montgomery Massacre aka the Riverboat Rumble has jacked my attention since yesterday. So many memes. So many jokes. So much collective Black joy.
This Jamie Foxx/AAVE discourse is interesting to say the least.
There are a great many white people who use AAVE as if it’s a type of slang for them. They co-opt our words and phrases and use them on social media without understanding where they come from or how they originated.
As many people have pointed out, AAVE is not “slang.” It’s a language unto itself that we speak in the comfort of our community.
Jamie was speaking in that context, and his post was misunderstood by those who don’t have that cultural history or understanding. And I get why they would misunderstand it with those two things missing for them.
However, when it’s explained to you that you misunderstood something, to continue to double down and act like he was trying to do harm when he was simply saying something everyone with a praying Black grandmother with a church fan has said millions of times before is weird.
And this is why I get annoyed when I see women like that criscrissycris broad on TikTok performing in a Blaccent as she speaks in AAVE in all her videos. Same with TikTokMomma7 or whatever. Y’all want our rhythm, but not our fucking blues, and the shit is tiring.
My Blackness is not a costume I can take on and off depending on the situation. I am always fucking Black. The world sees me as Black. I can’t start speaking the white man’s English and have people see me differently.
So when situations like this come up where someone misunderstands a Black colloquialism and takes it to the extreme, it’s frustrating as a Black person to watch. I want to scream.
You can do all the fucking TikTok dance challenges you want. You can rap along to Bun B and Drake and whoever the fuck else in your videos to try and seem down. You can have all the Black men in your comments telling you that you are “invited to the picnic.”
But the minute that coopted Blackness no longer serves you, you will switch back to regular whiteness like nothing happened. Look at Miley Cyrus.
Look at the rebrand happening with the Kardashians. They want to go back to being white now that coopted Blackness is no longer serving them in the way that it used to.
To be clear: There is no American culture without Black people. Black culture is American culture. No, I will not debate this with you or explain it. Black people know what I mean.
Another saying my Black granny repeated often is “We can’t have shit to ourselves,” and it’s true. But y’all don’t want to have THAT discussion.
It’s so tiring being Black in America and having to deal with the cognitive dissonance that is people wanting to steal everything from our culture at the same time they want to disenfranchise us from every other aspect of life.
Because even when we try to point the bullshit out, y’all play in our faces and gaslight us and telling us we’re “being victims” or “making everything about race” when the fact of the matter is the invention of whiteness as a social construct was not our doing.
The invention of race as a social construct and classification system was not our doing.
And now that the institution of whiteness is being openly called out more and more, y’all are afraid like roaches when the lights come on. You want to stop it, so you have shit like what’s happening in Florida.
And this is why I will never shut up about it. Black people should not have to continue to be oppressed in this country in order for everyone else to feel comfortable. Fuck you, and fuck that.
And by “everyone else,” I mean all the non-Black POC who help to uphold whiteness and white supremacy and anti-Blackness.
Oh. One more thought: this (the Jamie Foxx situation) also plays heavily into the way a lot of white people think it’s their job to police the words and actions of Black people at all times.
Because it has been repeatedly explained by Black people over the last two days what he meant when he said that, yet white people are talking over us (as fucking usual) and refusing to listen. They don’t want to understand. They just want to be right.
Anyway, argue amongst your fucking selves. I’m finna go smoke a joint and this shit is muted already. Kiss my fat, flat Black ass.
I don’t feel like doing shit today, so I’m not. I ordered pizza. I’m going to sit here, watch “And Just Like That,” and set up my bullet journal for next month.
I want to take a moment to praise my favorite Starbucks. It’s located in West Los Angeles on the corner of Sepulveda and Palms. It’s a drive thru only Starbucks with a walk up window, but no indoor cafe.
The baristas at this Starbucks know me and treat me like royalty. They are always so kind, and they go above and beyond to make sure I’m happy with my drink.
I’m a creature of habit, and I get the same thing every day — a quad shot of espresso over light ice in a venti cup with cold foam on top, usually the cinnamon one.
Today, Paige put a little note on top of my cup for me because she knew it was me.
Starbucks doesn’t have the best coffee, but this Starbucks has the best service, and that’s why I keep going back.
We live in the real life version of “Sick Sad World.”
I feel ready to get back to life right now.
In my mind, I know I am a good writer.
Then I read something Christian, or Michael Harriot, or Kirsten West Savali, wrote, and I feel like I am in a writing class with giants as my contemporaries, and I need to spend more time with books and a dictionary and a thesaurus, and I need to fill up one of those Blue Books from college every single day for practice, and even then, I may not be as good as I know I can be.
Writing is both a labor of love and an exercise in self doubt for me.
I’m a fat Black woman with a big mouth, a loud laugh, and the confidence to go along with those things. People try daily, but they are hard pressed to make me feel insecure about myself, my looks, my level of attractiveness, or the like.
But my writing?
Like I said, I know I’m good, but am I *that* good.
My writing is very conversational. I speak plainly so people hear me.
I don’t twist words and phrases into beautiful and intricate knots like Kris does. I don’t weave linguistic tapestries of understanding the way Nakachi does.
I just write it the way I see it in my brain.
I have a loyal audience, and I get a lot of praise, but all the external validation in the world isn’t enough. EYE need to feel like I wrote something good, and I don’t always feel that.
I know I’m not the only writer to experience this, and this is not a plea for praise or a fishing expedition for compliments.
I just read something Kris wrote, and I started thinking about how writers are conjurers. The magic is in the delivery.
So then I started thinking about the kinds of spells I’ve cast and the kinds of spells I want to cast in the future.
And then I started wondering if I really think my magic is all that, and now we are here.
I know I am a good writer. I know a lot of good writers. I’m grateful to be able to look to my contemporaries for inspiration and motivation.
I just want my magic to wow ME, and I don’t think I’m there yet.
I start each day with a quad shot of espresso over light ice in a venti cup with cold foam on top. I change the cold foam flavor each day for a little variety, but mainly I get the cinnamon caramel or the white chocolate macadamia nut one. I used to always get vanilla, but it’s not as tasty.
My day cannot start until I have caffeine.
It’s just the way it is.
About to get started writing for the day.
I’m starting to question my grammar and punctuation use. It’s time to reread Elements of Style.
I just paused the program I am watching right now so I could listen to Lady snore.
I love my little baby so much.
Transcribing is the worst part of interviewing people, I swear to god.
A quad shot of espresso over light ice in a venti cup with white chocolate macadamia nut cold foam all the way to the top.
My daily drink is always some variation of this. The only thing that changes is the flavor of cold foam.
I took a long, hot shower, smoked a joint, did my body oil, and I’m about to put on some clean pajamas and climb into my fresh sheets because I have had enough adulting for the day.
My article about Citi Bike Karen, aka Sarah Jane Comrie, is the No. 1 Google result for her name.
Search Engine Optimization is beating her ass.
This man made a comment about Lady as we passed him on our walk that I felt bordered on rude. I didn’t say anything back to him because unless I am actively being threatened, I like to consider my response before I snap on someone, but the whole time I was walking away with her, all I could think about is how lucky he was that I do think about shit before I do it, because don’t be talking slick saying shit about my dog.
I can go from one of the “good Blacks” that lives in this white ass neighborhood to one of the ones the news be having y’all scared of in a matter of SECONDS. Don’t let the smooth taste fool you.
However, since I don’t really have a poker face, I’m sure I said it without saying it anyway.
I want LA people to think about the fact that Rick Caruso spent $100 million of his own money for this mayoral election. $100 million! To run for MAYOR. Not President of the United States. MAYOR. He claims to care for the homeless. Guess what that $100 million could have done?
Rick Caruso is still a Republican. He is out for a power grab. He is helping further the agenda that is happening across this country. Please don’t let him. Our city deserves better.
Imagine the type of power the GOP and the right could wield having an inside man like Rick Caruso as the mayor of the largest city in the state of California and the second largest city in the country after NYC.
Please don’t let them do this. The right taking over this country will make this even more of a nightmare than what we are already living.
Recently, I decided to try out the dating app Hinge. What I discovered is men decidedly not OK.
I recorded a little message for the men who get mad at me online and try to insult me by calling me “old” or “fat.” Pro tip: Those don’t work as insults against me. I’m proud of my age, and I know that I am beautiful. Try to come up with something better.
Thanks to some encouragement from Darnell Lamont Walker, for the first time in about 20 years, I will be participating in National Novel Writing Month, or NaNoWriMo.
The idea of the challenge is to write every day during the month of November. If you are consistent, you should be able to eke out a first draft of a 50,000 word novel. At least, that’s how we did the program back in the day.
Darnell’s encouragement was different. He said folks should write whatever they want, whether that be a short story, an essay, poetry or something else. The biggest point was to get writing.
Outside of writing to eat aka freelancing, I have not done much writing for myself, and I miss that, so I’m going to take this opportunity to change that.
For those of you who have been following me for some time, I’ve decided I’m going to work on a first draft for what will be the first book in my series of “The Pusha Stories” as they’ve come to be known.
I will post excerpts along the way.
Wish me luck.
I have a new attitude to start the week. A new determination if you will. A new goal. Sometimes, we need to reset our own programs just so we can get things right.
I saw Top Gun: Maverick this weekend, and I really want to talk about it, but I feel like I need to watch it again to fully digest it and get my thoughts together.
Coincidentally, I just joined AMC’s A-List Stubs program, so I get three free movies a week. This worked out.