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I went to go get waxed this morning.

When I parked, I gathered up little pieces of trash to throw away the same way I do every time I get out of my car.

On the sidewalk I saw a bench and a green metal trash can. I threw my trash in it, and turned to walk into the wax place.

There was an unhoused gentleman sitting on the bench next to the trash can, and when I walked away, he started yelling.

“What the fuck are you doing, lady? This isn’t a fucking trash can!”

I turned to look back at him and realized what I thought was a trash can was actually a container he was using to hold all of his stuff.

I immediately felt like shit.

I walked back over to him and began apologizing profusely.

“I am so sorry,” I said.

“I saw what I thought was a trash can and threw that stuff in there without even looking. Please forgive me. I didn’t mean anything by it.”

His demeanor immediately softened, and I found myself wishing I had cash on me to give to him, but I legit never carry cash.

It didn’t matter. He smiled at me and said, “It’s OK. I understand.”

I apologized again and started walking away.

Another older gentleman witnessed the whole thing, and he said to me, “Did you throw your trash in his basket? ‘

“Yeah,” I said, still embarrassed.

“It’s not your fault. The way it’s sitting there next to the bench, it looks like a trash can.”

“I still feel really bad,” I said.

All I could think was, imagine being unhoused and someone comes and tosses their trash in your stuff.

I’m super glad it was just a straw wrapper, the paper from my banana bread from Starbucks, and a napkin.

I still had espresso in my cup, or it could have been worse.

The Carlee Russell situation will not stop me from believing Black women

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If anything, we should be happy that a missing Black woman got the level of national attention that Carlee did, and we should be advocating for that to happen every time a Black woman or girl is missing. Black women and girls do not get the same level of publicity or attention that missing white girls and women do. This is a fact. 

According to the National Crime Information Center, 268,884 women went missing in the year 2020, and of those, more than 90,000 were Black women and girls. This means that while Black women represent less than 15% of the entire U.S. population, they made up more than one-third of the women and girls reported missing. And cases involving Black girls and women, on average, stay open four times longer than other cases. Unfortunately, we don’t hear their stories because they don’t get told. 

The Carlee Russell story isn’t going to make people stop believing Black women, and it isn’t going to make them stop looking for us. The simple fact is they already don’t believe us, and they already don’t look for us. 

The Carlee Russell situation will not stop me from believing Black women

Carlee Russell doesn’t owe us anything

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Here is where I inform you that Carlee Russell doesn’t owe anyone anything. She doesn’t have to talk about what happened to the public. The only questions she needs to answer are those from law enforcement investigators working on her case. That’s it, and that’s all. 

The internet and social media specifically have put us in a space where people expect instant gratification at every turn. 

A woman disappears on Thursday night, returns to her family safely on Saturday night, and by Tuesday, everyone is demanding that the police investigation be wrapped up and a full public disclosure be made about what happened in these last four days. 

Except this is not an episode of “Law & Order: SUV.” This is someone’s real life. 

Did you pray for her safe return because you actually wanted her to return safely, or did you post your “prayers” to social media for the likes and clout?

Do you actually care about the safety and well-being of Black women, or is Black suffering more your kink?

Carlee Russell doesn’t owe us anything
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My dog is so spoiled, and it’s all my fault.

She’s gotten used to me giving her a treat every time I come back in the house from a miscellaneous errand — even if it’s just a quick Starbucks run.

She’s gotten so used to it that now when I come back in the house, once I’ve taken off my outside shoes and put my slippers on, she runs to the spot where I normally make her wait for her treats and snacks, and she assumes her begging/say please position and waits for the treat to arrive.

Today, I was out of treats because I need to go shopping, so I gave her a new bully stick instead, and that seemed to do the trick.

I love this little dog so much. I can’t imagine my life without her cuteness in it.

I love my favorite Starbucks

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I want to take a moment to praise my favorite Starbucks. It’s located in West Los Angeles on the corner of Sepulveda and Palms. It’s a drive thru only Starbucks with a walk up window, but no indoor cafe.

The baristas at this Starbucks know me and treat me like royalty. They are always so kind, and they go above and beyond to make sure I’m happy with my drink.

I’m a creature of habit, and I get the same thing every day — a quad shot of espresso over light ice in a venti cup with cold foam on top, usually the cinnamon one.

Today, Paige put a little note on top of my cup for me because she knew it was me.

Starbucks doesn’t have the best coffee, but this Starbucks has the best service, and that’s why I keep going back.

Keke Palmer and other Black women deserve to express both their sensuality and sexuality unapologetically

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Darius Jackson, a no-name negro with no claim to fame other than the fact that he fathered a beautiful child with Keke Palmer, recently became the main character on Black Twitter after he dared to try and publicly shame Keke for an outfit she wore to the Usher residency in Las Vegas. 

In a video that was widely shared across the internet, the “Confessions” crooner walked up to Keke and serenaded her. They danced closely together as he sang to her. Keke, who shows no signs of having recently had a baby, looked stunning in a dazzling Black see-through number that put her “cheeks” on full display. 

Darius, aka the “breadloser” in Keke’s house, wrapped himself up in a feelings burrito after the video clip of Usher and Keke went viral. In response to a celebrity news social media account posting the video, he wrote through his tears, “It’s the outfit tho…you a mom.”

Keke Palmer and other Black women deserve to express both their sensuality and sexuality unapologetically

Eye, aye, I

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I went to Starbucks to get my usual quad shot of espresso (blonde) over light ice in a venti cup with extra cinnamon caramel cream cold foam (all the way to the top). The sun kicked my healing eye’s ass the entire time. I’m learning that “healing” is not as instantaneous as I may want it to be.

Still, I can see out of an eye I previously couldn’t. It’s still blurry, but I have the full range of vision in my eye, and for that, I am truly grateful.

Happy Friday.

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In my mind, I know I am a good writer.

Then I read something Christian, or Michael Harriot, or Kirsten West Savali, wrote, and I feel like I am in a writing class with giants as my contemporaries, and I need to spend more time with books and a dictionary and a thesaurus, and I need to fill up one of those Blue Books from college every single day for practice, and even then, I may not be as good as I know I can be.

Writing is both a labor of love and an exercise in self doubt for me.

I’m a fat Black woman with a big mouth, a loud laugh, and the confidence to go along with those things. People try daily, but they are hard pressed to make me feel insecure about myself, my looks, my level of attractiveness, or the like.

But my writing?

Like I said, I know I’m good, but am I *that* good.

My writing is very conversational. I speak plainly so people hear me.

I don’t twist words and phrases into beautiful and intricate knots like Kris does. I don’t weave linguistic tapestries of understanding the way Nakachi does.

I just write it the way I see it in my brain.

I have a loyal audience, and I get a lot of praise, but all the external validation in the world isn’t enough. EYE need to feel like I wrote something good, and I don’t always feel that.

I know I’m not the only writer to experience this, and this is not a plea for praise or a fishing expedition for compliments.

I just read something Kris wrote, and I started thinking about how writers are conjurers. The magic is in the delivery.

So then I started thinking about the kinds of spells I’ve cast and the kinds of spells I want to cast in the future.

And then I started wondering if I really think my magic is all that, and now we are here.

Anyway.

I know I am a good writer. I know a lot of good writers. I’m grateful to be able to look to my contemporaries for inspiration and motivation.

I just want my magic to wow ME, and I don’t think I’m there yet.

Hello from the other side

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It’s me, sitting upright, working on my laptop, and continuing to recover from my eye surgery.

I still can’t see clearly out of my left eye, but I can see enough to type some stuff, and that’s exactly what I am doing.

I swear, a week facedown in bed will have you ready to jump out of your skin, and now that I am upright, I feel compelled to never be lazy again.

Anyway, this is me saying hello from the other side.

Ricky Williams is advocating for mental health in ‘Soul Training’

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In Black and brown communities, there’s a very good reason not to trust mental health practitioners and professionals in the same way that there’s a good reason not to trust the system, so I think we have to start there and acknowledge that most systems have not been for Black and brown people. So if the help is being offered by the same hand that just bit you, you would be foolish to give them your hand and trust them to heal the wound they created. 

You want someone who can journey with you into your inner world and be trustworthy enough not to weaponize it against you or use it against you. You want someone who is cultured enough to understand your experience to never project their ideas of the world onto you and allow you to have your own ideas that are rooted in your culture and who you are and the communities you grew up in. 

Being vulnerable is a luxury. I’m reminded when I go into environments where survival is life and death on a daily basis that vulnerability is not necessarily a thing that’s going to help you survive; it’s actually a thing that might get you hurt or might get you killed. So when it comes to Black and brown communities, they have been put in a position in society where they constantly have to survive, and this luxury of vulnerability isn’t available to them. 

Ricky Williams is advocating for mental health in ‘Soul Training’

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I start each day with a quad shot of espresso over light ice in a venti cup with cold foam on top. I change the cold foam flavor each day for a little variety, but mainly I get the cinnamon caramel or the white chocolate macadamia nut one. I used to always get vanilla, but it’s not as tasty.

My day cannot start until I have caffeine.

It’s just the way it is.

About to get started writing for the day.

Happy Tuesday.

a hot link sandwich #4

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When I tell y’all I was completely humbled and flattered by that, please believe me. Ever since Michael and I started working together in 2017, I have been one of his biggest fans. His writing is brilliant. He is a gifted storyteller and a knowledgeable historian.

I really want to be like him when I grow up, and him liking something I wrote is worth bragging about, so there you have it.

a hot link sandwich #4

My favorite drug dealer TV shows, ranked

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Now, I realize that my favorites are not everyone else’s favorites, and I realize that I have not watched all the same shows as everyone else, so this is why I say this is my ranking. It’s not definitive by any means; it is just a listing of the ones I like. Your opinion will likely differ, and that’s fine. Go write about it somewhere else because another thing about me? I’m not finna argue with y’all about nothing. 

Oh, one other thing before I get this list started. All of these shows are personal favorites. A show being last on the list doesn’t mean it is a bad show; it wouldn’t be on this list if I didn’t like it and recommend it for viewing. It just means that when compared to my other favorite shows, this is where it is on the list. 

Let’s begin. 

My favorite drug dealer TV shows, ranked